Awake My Soul
by ivorykeys09
Summary: What happens when Dan flies to Monaco. Post 4x22. Dan/Blair.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I felt inspired tonight. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.**

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><p>He has only been on an airplane once or twice. Brooklyn is his home, and so he has stayed there. Sure, he ventured into Manhattan to attend St. Judes and NYU. But why would you leave a place when you love where you live?<p>

The answer is only obvious.

To bring back the girl you love.

And so he runs past the fear he has of airplanes to get to her.

Because, after all, it's _her_.

And to distract his mind on the flight, he reads the books and watches the Audrey movies that remind him of her.

Because, after all, it's _her._

And he spends an astronomical amount of money – an amount that makes him want to cry – on a car to pick him up. But if he were to cry, it's only because he should have flown here weeks ago. To get to the castle that is caging her and keeping her_._

Because, after all, it's _her._

The people are foreign and the language is unfamiliar. The taxi driver is confused and appalled by his casual directions of "Take me to the Castle." Even though his face is completely serious and his heart is beating so furiously the driver should have noticed.

He holds his already uneven breath the entire ride–not because the glorious aroma of the city is tempting enough to send him out of the car to go buy a croissant. But because he won't breathe until he sees her.

Because, after all, it's _her._

After much negotiating, the gates open to the castle she is housed in. It doesn't register that he's finally here until the crunch of the gravel in the courtyard jolts him awake. He prays she has already been alerted that there is a guest here to see her because–what are the rules for dealing with a royal home? Are you even allowed to walk up to the entrance and knock on the door? Do they even have a doorbell?

He takes his small bag from the driver and hesitantly walks up to the front steps. A guard immediately opens the door and for the first time, he feels nervous. Not because he's making a mistake or because he could quite possibly get escorted off the premises. But because he's about to see _her_. He probably smells like traveling and looks as exhausted as a marathon runner. But he doesn't care.

Because, after all, it's _her._

He hears the echo of heels getting louder and looks around for her. She comes around a corner and stops once she sees him. Without saying a word, she comes towards him, and when he feels her brush past him and out the door, he swears his heart breaks. But then he feels her hand take his and his heart is pieced back together again.

He follows her past the vast green garden and around tall bushes and flowers, until they are tucked away in a private corner. She still hasn't said one word to him yet, and he can't tell if it's a good sign or bad.

She also still hasn't let go of his hand, and he again can't tell if that's a good sign or bad.

She sits down on the bench that's there and he, naturally, sits down with her. She looks more beautiful than he remembered. Everything looks the same, apart from her eyes. They look lifeless; that wonderful chocolate hue has faded. He wants it back.

The silence is comfortable, not awkward, and because they're not speaking he traces patterns on the back of her hand. At first it's just random scribbles, but then he starts to write a word. She concentrates on following his soothing finger and her mouth twitches into a smile when she reads the word, "Hi."

He was always one with words.

"Hi," she says back, and he looks relieved. Not relieved that she was able to read what he wrote, but relieved that she was okay enough to talk. He couldn't bear her not talking to him.

"I flew to Monaco," he says.

It's a completely obvious statement, and she should roll her eyes. But his tone is so unwavering and brave, and he still sounds surprised at himself. So she just nods and repeats, "You flew to Monaco."

It's silent again for a few minutes, until she can't help but ask, "Why are you here?"

His answer is the first reason why she wants to kiss him.

(No, second. The first is because he smells like home and he looks like he ran a marathon to come see her.)

"Because you're here."

She clenches her hand to refrain herself from leaning over and kissing him senseless, but then she remembers she's squeezing _his_ hand. She loosens her hold a little to make herself less obvious. Even though she knows he can read her like a book.

"Where's Lou-"

"Can we not talk about him yet?" she cuts in.

He nods. "Sure."

She nods back and gives a small smile of appreciation. "I just want to sit here with you."

"Okay." And he lifts her hand and kisses it.

The breeze picks up and somehow she has moved closer to him. Close enough for him to wrap his arms around her, until she is leaning into his body and resting her head on his shoulder. She finds herself unconsciously turning her head so her face is nestled against his shirt. She inhales deeply, breathing him in. Breathing home in.

"I want to take you somewhere," she says after a while. He can see her eyes are slightly wet. She blinks, and a tear escapes. As much as he wants to kiss it away, he settles for his thumb.

"Okay," he answers.

They unlock hands when they walk to the car, and Dan feels immediately cold. After taking an unmarked and unofficial car, they arrive at an old building. The architecture is gorgeous and Dan can already tell it will be magnificent.

Blair keeps her sunglasses on even when they walk inside. She wants to avoid recognition.

They enter the building and Dan is overwhelmed by smell of books. The combination of wisdom and crinkled pages and unknown realities.

She has taken him to the library.

It is the kind of library with endless bookshelves that span from floor to ceiling. The kind of library with leaning wooden ladders on tracks. The moving ladders that you want to climb and ride on, but are never allowed to.

She takes his hand again and leads him up the back spiral, rod-iron staircase. Past the seemingly infinite stacks of books and journals and encyclopedias. Until they are in a hidden alcove, away from everything and everyone else. It reminds him of the spot in the garden, and he wonders how many hiding spots she has found throughout the city.

Once they stop, she drops his hand and instead places them on his face. She is already crying, but she doesn't care.

Because, after all, it's _him._

At last, she kisses him. And finally she feels like herself again.

(The third reason is because he's here.)

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><p><strong>AN:** Next part should be up in a few days. Either a two or three-shot.

I would love reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all of the reviews. Here is the final part. :)

And thanks to SBC :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

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><p>They kiss for what seems like hours, until Dan listens to his infuriating mind and ignores his screaming heart.<p>

He pulls away.

"No," she whimpers, and grabs his collar to reel him back in.

He shakes his head. "Blair, as much as I want to kiss you..."

"Then kiss me," she says, bringing his lips back to hers. And he caves.

Because, after all, it's _her._

But when she rakes her fingers through his hair, he feels her ring against his head and remembers why he pulled away in the first place.

"Blair, you're engaged," he states matter-of-factly.

And there it is. Like a thrown bucket of freezing water, she is jolted awake. She covers her mouth with her hand and fresh tears spring to her eyes. She knows he's right.

Because, after all, it's _him._

"Blair, it's alright-"

She just shakes her head, stopping him from saying anything further.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggests, and she nods.

He takes her hand to show her it's _okay,_ and leads her past the seemingly infinite stacks of books and journals and encyclopedias. And down the spiral rod-iron staircase and out the door. Her sunglasses are back on as they walk towards the water. There is a nice breeze and Blair feels like she can finally breathe easier.

They continue holding hands. It feels too right to let go.

They make it to a bench and sit down together. The water is sparkling and crystal clear, and sailboats sail by without a care in the world. Blair wishes she could dive in and swim away from land, but she knows her life will weigh her down there _too_ and make her drown.

They sit in silence for a while until Blair knows they need to leave. They find their unofficial and unmarked car and head back to the castle. As they get out of the car, Louis rushes out of the door and up to Blair. Her heart constricts as she expects the worse, but the complete opposite happens.

"Blair, I have to leave. There is an emergency in Paris and I must represent my family. I wish I could take you because you'll be all alone–"

"No I won't! Dan came to visit me!" she exclaims with a fake smile, but inwardly is crying with joy. And relief. Nothing could be better than a weekend alone with Dan.

Louis looks at him for a moment and Dan holds his breath. But soon Louis moves past all suspicion and kisses Blair goodbye. Dan looks away.

Her fiancé is gone in a flash and Blair has to bite her lip to suppress a smile.

"So...dinner?" she suggests.

Dan stares at her for a moment, wondering what the right thing to do is. As if she can read his mind, she says, "It's just us. His family is on vacation and he just left. It's just _us._"

_Just us._ How could he possibly say no to that?

"Okay," he says with a smile, and follows her into the house.

As soon as they're inside, Blair leads him to the kitchen and kindly orders the chefs to head home for the night. Dan takes that as his cue to open the fridge and cupboards to see what they can make.

They dance around each other in the kitchen; totally synchronized. As if they do this every night.

A few hours later they are contently full on the patio. The sun has set and it's completely dark, aside from a few candles lit here and there. A warm glow surrounds them and Dan can't help but think _this is how it should be._

They haven't spoken for a few minutes, but his gaze hasn't strayed from Blair. He drinks her in and he doesn't think he could ever get tired of her.

Even as she is just sitting there, simply contemplating the stars, she will always be enough for him.

She knows she hasn't said anything for a while. But the truth is, she can't look at him – can't talk to him – without thinking of their kiss. She knew it was wrong of her; technically speaking, it _was_ cheating.

But how could something be so wrong when it felt so right?

She twists her engagement ring around her finger. It suddenly feels heavy and she wonders what it would feel like if she took it off.

She looks at her watch and realizes how late it is. It has been an emotionally draining day and she is exhausted. She can tell he is too.

They wash their dishes together, both minds wandering back to Christmas. This very act started _them. _Dan and Blair.

"I'm just going to stay in a hotel in town," Dan says, even though she didn't ask.

"Don't be ridiculous," she scolds him softly. "This is an enormous castle and you are my guest. There are plenty of empty bedrooms."

He nods and follows her up the back stairs. The hallways seem endless and overwhelming. It is eerily quiet, and he becomes instantly glad that he is here with her. He can't imagine being in a place like this alone.

She guides him to his room and he places his bags on the floor. She shows him the door to the bathroom, the closet, where the extra linens and towels are. She describes everything in unnecessary detail and they both realize she is stalling. Once there is nothing left to explain, she lingers in the doorway.

He turns away from her and looks out the window. A minute goes by and he thinks she has left.

She hasn't.

"Why are you here?" she asks for the second time that day, but this time her voice is thick with tears. "What do you expect me to do? Leave with you? Love you?"

_Yes!_ he inwardly screams, but really says nothing.

"I can't just take off this ring and leave!" she exclaims, without realizing she has actually taken off her ring.

"Yes you can!" Dan says, completely frustrated with her, Louis, himself, the country of Monaco, this whole fucking situation. "Blair, I didn't come here to be the bad guy. I didn't come here to steal you away from your fiancé because that's what _I_ _want._ I came here to steal you away from something _you_ _don't_ want. Stop lying to me, stop lying to your family, stop lying to Louis, stop lying to _yourself._

"You're not happy here. You don't want this. Why does everyone else get to be happy but you don't? In my eyes, you're the only person who _deserves_ what they want. Why are you the only person who refuses to see that?"

She is close to the point of sobbing now, and he wants to kiss her so much it hurts. Then tear her clothes off and take the uncertainty and pain away from her for a night and ravish her until she's screaming _his_ name.

"What do you want Blair?"

"I–I've always wanted to marry a Prince. It's always been a dream of mine."

"That's bullshit, Blair." He feels immediately guilty for using such a term in a castle, but he really doesn't care. "Wasn't it always a dream of yours to go to Yale? But that didn't happen. What happened ended up being _better._" He runs a hand through his hair and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Do you love him?" he asks simply.

"Dan, I-"

"Answer the question Blair. Do you love him?"

"I-"

"Do you love him?"

"No!" she shouts. "I don't love him. I don't want to marry him. I don't want to be here." The floodgates have opened and she can't stop.

Dan feels as if a million pounds have been lifted from him. "Finally, you are saying something everyone else has known for months."

She is breathing heavily, but despite that, she gives a small smile and wipes her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Dan shrugs. "Because I was hoping you'd beat me to it."

She walks over and sits beside him on the bed. "I realized it a while ago. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."

She rests her head on his shoulder and takes a deep breath. Saying the truth out loud wasn't as bad as she thought.

Dan kisses her on the cheek and they fall asleep beside each other on the bed.

They rise when the sun does. She texts Louis, even though she is aware of how ridiculous it is to text a Prince. But she knows he will check his phone, and she knows he'll be able to read how serious her words are.

_I need to talk to you. It can't wait._

He rushes home and is greeted by Blair, sitting on the front step, suitcases surrounding her.

"Blair, what is this?" Louis asks in a concerned voice. He sounds confused and already hurt.

She stands up and walks over to him. "I'm sorry Louis, but I can't marry you." She takes off the ring and fiddles with it.

"Why?" he says exasperatedly. "Because of Daniel?"

She closes her eyes for a moment. "No," she says, opening them. "Not because of Dan. Because of _me._"

Louis gives a whisper of a flinch. Because he knows he can't put the blame on Dan. "Blair-"

She cuts him off, "Louis, each day I am here, I wither away a little more. I become less of myself. I'm not willing to live my life that way any longer. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I'm sorry for making you think that I wanted this."

She hands him the ring and the dark cloud that has followed her around finally turns into sun.

"But I love you," he pleads.

"I know. And I never doubted that for a second," she says, reaching over to take his hand. "But I couldn't give you what you were giving me. I'm sorry."

There is so much left to say, but at the same time, nothing more. So Blair kisses him on either cheek, takes her bags, and gets into the waiting car. When they pull out of the castle driveway, she is crying; she can't tell if its from guilt or relief.

When she sees Dan, she knows it's the latter.

He is sitting at a table, outside of a café. She can tell that he has showered and changed into clean clothes, and looks so devilishly and tantalizingly handsome she can't help but smile. He lifts his sunglasses when he notices her.

"So?"

She simply lifts her bare left hand and takes the seat opposite him.

"It'll be okay," he says taking his new favorite hand of hers. He kisses it. "We'll be okay."

And they are.

Because, after all, it's _them._

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><p><strong>AN:** I'd love to hear your final thoughts. :)


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